Tips When Preparing to Leave an Abusive Partner
According to The Center for Relationship Abuse Awareness, the most dangerous time for a survivor is when they leave; 75% of domestic violence related homicides occur upon separation and there is a 75% increase of violence upon separation for at least two years.
Safety: Prepare a go-bag for yourself and your children. Include essentials like identification, medications, keys, clothing, and copies of important documents. Know where you’ll go and how you’ll get there. If possible, share with someone you fully trust.
Consult with an attorney: Schedule a consultation. Many attorneys offer free or low-cost consultations. Bring a list of questions and don’t hesitate to speak with more than one attorney. There are also legal aid organizations and nonprofits that can help based on your income or situation.
Restraining Order: You can file a restraining order through the district attorney’s office even if you already have legal representation. This helps create a legal record and strengthens your case for protection. If your request is denied, your attorney will know the next steps.
Support: If you have not been isolated, talk to a trusted friend or family member and let them know your plan. If you have been isolated, begin researching local domestic violence shelters and support organizations. These groups can offer resources, emergency housing, and emotional support.
Documentation: Record all communications with your abuser (texts, calls, emails, voicemails). Don’t forget social media interactions. Set up a private email account (one your abuser does not know about) and store all your documentation in the cloud or on a thumb drive. Use apps that can help you organize and print texts. Always clear your browser history and avoid leaving digital traces.
Financial Information: Abusers often cut off access to money. If you share financial accounts, gather all records before filing for divorce or as soon as your abuser files. Look for any unusual transactions or transfers of funds, which could be important in court. Before a divorce is filed, it is generally legal to move money. Please check with state laws and an attorney. Once proceedings begin, financial activity is usually restricted.
Phone Records: If you have access to your phone account, print or save phone records (texts and call logs) for a chosen period. Although this is typically part of the discovery process in court, gathering them early reduces the risk of tampering.
Monetary Resources: When grocery shopping, consider getting cash back or buying gift cards, but only if your abuser doesn’t monitor receipts. Go slowly and stay under the radar. Avoid large transactions or unusual behavior that could raise suspicion.
At the end of the day, everything in your life can be replaced except yourself and your children. Listen to your gut!
Resources to help you in this process:
Texas: https://guides.sll.texas.gov/legal-help